One In Fifty Million
by Lady of the Wolves
Summary: What happens when GIR buys a lottery ticket?
1. GIR Makes A Purchase

  
  
One In Fifty Million  
  
  
by Lady of the Wolves  
  
Dedicated to Heckle, Jeckle, and Alphie  
  
  
  
Chapter One: GIR Makes A Purchase  
  
  
  
Zim opened the door to his house and entered, glad that Skool was over for the week. After yet another boring day of Miss Bitters foretelling everyone's doom, he couldn't wait to relax and spend a peaceful weekend in his lab, perhaps even gathering more information for his Tallest.  
  
GIR sat on the couch in front of the television, oblivious to Zim's entrance. He slurped noisily away on a chocolate bubblegum brainfreezy. Zim sighed and removed his disguise.  
  
"GIR!" Zim shouted, summoning his robot-slave.  
  
"Yes, my master?" answered GIR, running over to Zim and saluting.  
  
"GIR, I'm going down to the lab. Notify me if anyone calls or attempts to enter!"  
  
"Yes, my master!" said GIR, who then ran back to the couch and turned on the TV. "Ooh, look, my favorite show!" he cried happily as the Scary Monkey Show appeared on the screen. Zim shook his head and entered his lab through his secret toilet entrance.  
  
* * * * *   
  
GIR sat on the couch and stared at the television screen blankly. "Leprechauns!" he said when his favorite program ended. Then a commercial came on.  
  
"Come on, guys and gals, don't forget to stock up on all of your food supplies!" a man in a checkered suit on TV said cheerfully. "Luckily, at Bob's Food-Mart, we're open till 12:00, so you can shop whenever it's convenient for YOU!"  
  
GIR thought about this. "Shop for food supplies? Gee, maybe I should do that to surprise Master sometime. Oh well!" Getting up, he reached for his brainfreezy and discovered it was empty. He immediately went into emergency mode.  
  
Zim was interrupted from his peaceful sleep by GIR, who crashed down the toilet entrance into Zim's private lab. "WHAT IS IT, GIR?!?!" he yelled, furious at being disturbed.  
  
"Master! Master! It's an emergency!" cried GIR, eyes glowing red.  
  
Zim gasped in fear. Had they been discovered? Was Dib, his nemesis, outside, leading a band of humans?  
  
"HAS OUR HIDEOUT BEEN DISCOVERED? ARE WE BEING STALKED AT THIS VERY MOMENT? TELL ME, GIR!!!" Zim roared, shaking the robot.  
  
"NO, NO!! IT'S MUCH WORSE THAN THAT!" cried GIR.  
  
"WELL, WHAT IS IT?!?!" Zim roared.  
  
GIR sniffed. "I'm out of chocolate bubblegum," he said miserably.  
  
It was all Zim could do to keep from ripping GIR apart right then and there.  
  
"GIR, DO NOT DISTURB ME FOR YOUR PITIFUL AND INSIGNIFICANT REASONS!!! I HAD REASON TO BELIEVE WE WERE UNDER ATTACK!!!!" Zim screamed.  
  
"But my bub-"  
  
"IF YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR BUBBLY-THING THEN GO AND PURCHASE ANOTHER ONE!!!" Zim roared, pointing at the exit of his lab.  
  
"Gee, Master really ought to get out more," GIR commented as he left, humming happily. Zim sighed and began to beat his head against the wall.  
  
* * * * *  
  
GIR, adorned in his puppy costume, wandered around Bob's Food Mart, slurping on his brand-new chocolate bubblegum brainfreezy. He stopped in front of a large machine. The words YOU CAN BE A WINNER!! and BUY YOUR TICKET TODAY FOR A CHANCE TO WIN FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS!! jumped out at him.  
  
"Well, son, come to buy a lottery ticket, have we?" the same man in the checkered suit GIR had seen on the TV asked cheerfully, coming up behind him.  
  
GIR turned around. "Meow," he said, trying to look average.  
  
The man laughed. "Great! It will only cost five dollars for one ticket! Okay?"  
  
"Meow," said GIR.  
  
"Great!" said the man. He extended his hand to give GIR the ticket, but stopped suddenly. "You ARE eighteen, right?" he asked suspiciously.  
  
GIR said nothing.  
  
"Great!" the man said, handing over the ticket.  
  
GIR left the store ten minutes later with his chocolate bubblegum brainfreezy and his lottery ticket.  
  



	2. Dib's Secret Obsession

  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of the Invader Zim characters. They belong to Nickelodeon. I own the plot.  
  
Author's Note: I LOVE GIR!!! He's really cute. Anyway, Zim is really cool too and Dib is all right, I guess. But he's messed up in my story. Anyway, Gaz is okay too.  
Just in case anyone was wondering. PLEASE REVIEW!!!  
  
  
  
Chapter Two: Dib's Secret Obsession  
  
  
  
Dib, Zim's rival, locked himself in his room. He closed and bolted the window for extra protection. Making sure nothing was hiding in his room, he dived under the bed and pulled out a bag. Dragging the bag over to his desk, he sat in his chair and opened the bag. Dib smiled.  
  
Inside the bag were lottery tickets; Dib's secret obsession. "Someone has to win!" he said out loud. And that someone would be him! It was easy enough to buy lottery tickets off the Internet, and easier still to make sure they were legal.  
  
Dib threw back his head and laughed. He was going to win fifteen million dollars!  
  
* * * * *  
  
The following Monday at Skool, Dib raced to class, searching for Zim. Zim was sitting at his desk.  
  
"Ha ha, you alien! I've found a way to expose you and make EVERYONE believe me!" Dib crowed, thinking that when he won the lottery, he would be famous and have lots of power.  
  
"You know, Dib, you're not really as smart as you seem to believe you are," commented Zim, ignoring the boy in the black trenchcoat and glasses. Angrily, Dib stormed over to his own seat.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Dib and Gaz walked home together as usual. Gaz was absorbed in her Game Slave and was ignoring her ranting brother. "Will you shut up yet? I'm almost through with this level!" she snapped.  
  
Dib laughed. "Don't worry, my dear sister, for when I win millions, I shall buy you ten zillion games, heh heh!"  
  
Gaz actually looked up from her game, and stared at him for a second. "Okay Dib, whatever."  
  
* * * * *  
  
When Zim arrived at his house, GIR was once again watching television. "GIR!"  
  
GIR hurried over. "Yes, sir?"  
  
"GIR, I believe that Dib is once again plotting to reveal us. We should find out what he is planning on doing."  
  
"OK!" With that, GIR raced back to the couch and turned on the TV again.  
  
"GIR?" Zim asked. He was tiring of GIR's short attention span.  
  
"Guess what?" GIR teased, standing up on the couch and dancing.  
  
"GIR! Do not question me!" Zim roared, and the little robot ran over and bowed before the Irken.  
  
"Master, don't be mad at me, please don't be mad!" he whimpered.  
  
Zim sighed. "Just-find that chip I made for you! Now!"  
  
GIR smiled and ran off to find the chip.  
  
While GIR was looking, Zim attempted to find a seat on the couch, but it was covered in empty chocolate bubblegum brainfreezys. "Computer, clean up this mess!" Zim commanded, then noticed that a small, rectangular piece of paper lay on the ground before him. He sighed.  
  
"GIR!" The robot raced into the room.  
  
"Yes, my master?"  
  
Zim held up the piece of paper. It appeared to be some sort of ticket. "Is this yours?"  
  
GIR smiled. "Yes!"  
  
"THEN TAKE IT AND DO NOT LET ME SEE IT AGAIN!!!! AARRRGGGGHHH!!!!" Zim turned and stormed out of the room.  
  
"Gee, maybe Master should take anger management classes like the ones the TV talked about!" GIR thought out loud, and took his lottery ticket into the kitchen.  
  



	3. The Tallest Join The Competition

Disclaimer: Nickelodeon owns the Invader Zim characters, not me. I own the plot and the lottery idea. Jhonen Vasquez created Zim, so I suppose he owns the rights to the show or something.  
  
  
Author's Note: I haven't been writing for a long time! But I got some major inspiration and I shall continue!  
  
  
Chapter Three: The Tallest Join The Competition  
  
  
  
Back in space, the Almighty Tallest had just received a message from Zim.  
  
"Oh no," they had groaned simultaneously when a guard had announced the incoming transit from Earth.  
  
"I hoped we had gotten rid of him," complained Purple. "We've been lucky not to have gotten any of his stupid messages for a while now."  
  
"I know," agreed Red. "I mean, we did give him a sandwich."  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
The large screen in front of the rulers zapped and a little green Irken's face appeared on it. A face that every Invader knew had ruined Operation Impending Doom I by going on a rampage on their home planet.  
  
"Greetings, my Tallest!" cried Zim excitedly. "I bring excellent news of my conquest!"  
  
"What is it now, Zim?" Red asked tiredly. Purple shook his head and sighed.  
  
"The only 'threat' that I had once considered a problem to the mission has gone insane! It's only a matter of time before I conquer Earth like a pack of radioactive weresquirrels!"  
  
Red and Purple exchanged glances as GIR suddenly jumped on Zim from behind screaming "Whheeeeeee!" and the screen went blank.  
  
Purple sighed. "I wonder if we'll ever get rid of him."  
  
Red snorted in reply. "Like that's ever going to happen. Unless-"  
  
They exchanged glances. "Bring us the tickets!" Purple cried to a guard excitedly. The Irken soldier nodded and rushed off. He returned a moment later with sacks  
full of tickets. Lottery tickets!  
  
"If there's one good thing about Earth, it's the lottery," mentioned Red, and Purple nodded his agreement. The Tallest were as hooked on lottery tickets as Dib was!  
  
"Be sure to abduct several thousands more!" crowed Purple, throwing some from his sack into the air.  
  
****************  
  
GIR danced around Zim's lab humming "The Song That Never Ends" to himself very loudly. Zim was doing his best to ignore it, but finally he couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"GIR!" he screamed. "ENOUGH!!!"  
  
GIR smiled and somersaulted toward Zim. The Invader jumped out of the way and crashed into the telescope, knocking it over and causing a chain reaction. Everything fell over and something smashed into the lights.   
  
"GIR?" Zim asked wearily.  
  
"Cheeseballs!" GIR replied.  
  
"Let's go watch some TV." 


	4. What About Miss Bitters?

Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon. The plot is mine. Author's Note: A quick note to the reviewer who asked what this was in not such a nice way: This is a story about GIR, Zim, Dib, and basically everyone from the TV show "Invader Zim." You read the summary. What the heck did you think it was?  
Chapter Four: What About Miss Bitters?  
  
  
The following Monday, Zim reluctantly returned to Skool. He had spent the weekend fixing his lab and watching TV with GIR. The last thing he wanted to do was more useless work for his scary, snakey teacher Miss Bitters.  
  
As Zim entered the classroom, he could tell that something was going on. All of the "filthy human stinkbeasts" were engaged in excited conversation. Zim quietly sat down at his desk and tried to eavesdrop. Words like "lottery" and phrases like "lots of money," popped out at him.  
  
"Lottery?" he wondered. "Perhaps it is some horrible human torture device!" He sat thinking.  
  
"What's the matter, ZIM?" asked Dib, appearing out of nowhere and getting up in Zim's face. "Don't know what the lottery is? EVERY human knows what the lottery is! Even Old Kid!"  
  
"I heard that!" barked Old Kid angrily from the back of the room.  
  
"Oh, of course I know what the lottery is," lied Zim. "Doesn't everyone?" he looked away, trying to appear normal.  
  
"Sit down, all of you horrible monsters!" commanded Miss Bitters as she slithered through the door and scratched her nails on the chalkboard. Everyone ran for their seats. "Today's terrible lesson is about something terrible."  
  
Dib couldn't concentrate on the terrible lesson. Wonderful thoughts of winning the lottery swirled through his mind. "Mine, mine, mine," he sighed dreamily, thinking of the money he would win. He'd buy his dad a new lab, his sister a million games, and for himself he would buy fame.  
  
"Dib! Pay attention!" barked Miss Bitters. Dib snapped out of his daydream reluctantly. The class snickered. "Be quiet!" she commanded.  
  
"Miss Bitters?" called Zim, waving his hands.  
  
"What?" she barked.  
  
"Since Dib obviously wasn't paying attention to today's horrible-"  
  
"Terrible," corrected Miss Bitters, glaring at Zim angrily.  
  
"Today's terrible lesson, he should have an extra assignment."  
  
"You think so?" asked Miss Bitters, laughing evilly and hissing.  
  
"That's not fair!" cried Dib.  
  
Suddenly, the bell rang. All of the children and Zim raced out of the room. Zim was eager to get back to his base to find out what this "lottery" thing was.  
Dib, however, reluctantly stayed behind, going up to Miss Bitters's desk. "Do I have to do an extra assignment?" he whined.  
  
"Get out of here NOW!" she shrieked, pushing him towards the door frantically. Once Dib was gone, she bolted the door and covered the windows. Reaching into her desk, she laughed evilly.  
  
She pulled out lottery tickets! "Yes, my precious tickets," she hissed. The one love Miss Bitters had was lottery tickets. She loved the lottery. And she knew that one day she would win. "Then I could finally quit this horrible torture of a job," she whispered, counting the tickets for a hundredth time. "I MUST WIN!" 


End file.
